Exam Practice Usain Bolt
Usain Bolt gets first place in 100-meter dash and takes home gold.
A determined-looking Usain bolt was waiting ready for the sound of the gunshot so that he could blast out from the blocks to run the 100-meter final for a chance at winning gold. Bam the race was off to a start and everyone took their first strides out of the blocks with great power it was as if there was a second gunshot when all of the racers stomped their foot to the ground to launch off of that first powerful step.
In the lead at the start was Usain Bolt alongside Richard Thompson. Thompson took a small lead over Bolt at around the 20-meter mark then Bolt quickly took the lead over Thompson with his long strides after having stumbled over himself only two steps prior. All of the other racers were crammed in the back together, none being able to catch up to Bolt’s incredible lead.
At around the 75-meter mark, Bolt seemed to look over his shoulder as if to check where everyone was. After seeing how far behind all of his fellow racers were he began to celebrate before even passing the finish line.
There are many differences between my newspaper report and the extract from the autobiography of Usain Bolt.The extract from Usain bolt was In the form of an autobiography and Usain Bolt goes into great detail about how he felt while he was running and what he was thinking about at every step of the race. The form of my wrting was different because what he wrote was something that I couldn’t use in my newspaper because as a viewer reporting on the game I wouldn’t be able to know what Usain Bolt was thinking at all while racing all I could write about was what was physically visible to every viewer of the race and what I thought the players were thinking throughout the race. Due to this I formated my paper as a newspaper that was describing the events as I would have seen them occur at the race.
The structure of the autobiography is set up with Bolt writting down what he was thinking about during the race and he uses very short paragraphs which I believe was used to show how fast he was processing everything as it was happening because the race only lasted about 9 seconds. I structured my newspaper differently because my goal was to get the information across to a reader who wasn’t there to watch the race or hadn’t seen it on tv yet, so I made the structure of my newspaper a chronological order of the events that took place at the race and only had about three larger paragraphs unlike the many small paragraphs and breaks that Bolt used in his autobiography.
The language that was used in the autobiography was also different from the language that I chose to use in my newspaper. In Bolt’s autobiography he uses language that wasn’t extremely professional because he really doesn’t have to due to it being a reenactment of what happened throughout the race. Bolt uses words to describe his emotions and how he felt. He uses words such as “wild” and “losing it” to show how he felt after he won the race. In my newspaper article I don’t use as much emotive language because my goal is to get the message across to the reader so I use a lot of facts about the race and who is in the lead like when I stated “Thompson took a small lead over Bolt at around the 20-meter mark. I used this type of language because it fit the newspaper theme better.
Hi Gavin,
ReplyDeleteFor 1. a) AO1 I would give you 3 marks. You showed a pretty clear understanding of the text and described the scene pretty well, but I feel like you could’ve shown Bolt’s emotions as he ran a little better. For AO2 I would give you 3 marks as well, you did a great job staying on task and your content was all relevant to the audience. There were some parts where I got confused on the structure of your words but I was still able to understand the point you were trying to make.
For 1. b) AO1 I would give you 4 marks. You showed detailed understanding between the forms of your writing and that of Usain’s. You described why you couldn’t write things that Usain wrote and you described how you overcame that obstacle. For AO3 I would give you 7 marks. You definitely showed a detailed analysis of the form, structure, and language used in the pieces of writing. You described how Usain set up and worded his autobiography and how you ordered your newspaper to fulfill the story while still keeping a formal appearance. You did talk about how some of your writing choices benefited the audience but I feel like you could’ve shown a more detailed analysis on how your and Usain’s stylistic choices affected the audience.
Overall I’d give you a 17/25
1(a) Question 1a would receive a total of 4 marks in AO1 because the writer was detailed, understood the context, and sometimes wrote informally which went really well with your theme of the report. When writing, the writer used words like “determined-looking”, “blast out”, “powerful”, and many other good descriptive words. In AO2, this would receive a total of 4 marks as well. More content could have been used, but overall had an effective expression and the content was relevant to the audience.
ReplyDelete1(b) This will receive a total of 4 marks for AO1. You talked about the similarities and differences between the two writings and how your point of view is different. For AO3, I would rate it 8 marks. You talked about the difference of language usage and structure. I liked how you used examples from your own text as well.
In total its 20/25 marks
AO1: 4
ReplyDeleteFor a newspaper article, this provides proper structure, with newspaper headings such as “Usain Bolt get first..”, however there some what of a missing edge to the entire paper. The topic is often drawn away from the race and more onto Usain Bolt’s story, according to the text “A determined-looking Usain bolt.” The author also tends to ramble on, according to the text “In the lead at the start”, this repetition is found throughout the article, but provides no relevancy to the article.
Not to mention, there is a significant lack of conclusion at the ending, or any kind of concluding statement, this leaves readers feeling uncomplete. This in mind, I can only give 4 marks for effective reference to characteristic features, and detailed understanding of text. The structure of the article is in chronological order, detailing all significant events and actions discussed in the previous autobiography.
AO2: 4
The author does make the mistake of often rambling onto unnecessary long sentences that provide no real meaning to the readers or article. Keeping the audience for this article in mind, the author tends to make the mistake of glazing over key events, where the pace of the article can pick up and draw readers in. For example according to the text “after having stumbled over himself” if this was more emphasized the pace of the article would pick up and the adrenaline of the readers would increase as well.
I like that unlike most of the other articles, the author changes the rewording from 10 meters from the finish line, to “At around the 75-meter mark”, lengthening the moment. The author also makes good use of the word count with 200 words, however some of the missing key points could be worked in with the elimination of certain irrelevant sentences. This in mind, I can only give the author 4 marks for effective expression, and relevant information.
AO1: 5
The author makes excellent comparisons between the autobiography and news paper article. The author explains their reasoning for the structure and format of both the autobiography and article. According to the text “I made the structure of my newspaper a chronological order”, they also correlate the use of short paragraphs in the autobiography to the pace, and speed of the race.
The author explains the difficulty with changing the autobiography to newspaper format, and detailed how that was done. This in mind I have to give the author 5 marks for a sophisticated understanding of the text, and a insightful reference to characteristic features.
AO3: 7
The author begins their personal report by discussing the lexical choices used in Bolt’s autobiography and their article. According to the text “I don’t use as much emotive language” then detailed why they used specific words, and the effect of Bolt’s informal language changes the tone and mood of the article.
In order to back up their claims the author provides textual evidence throughout each point brought up. However just like the previous article the author runs into long drawn out sentences, with several misspellings and grammar mistakes. This in mind I have to give only 7 marks, because of the many grammar and spelling errors.